Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
About Deviant Member RavenFemale/New Zealand Group :iconeccentricstock: EccentricStock
 
Recent Activity
Deviant for 4 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 628 Deviations 992 Comments 31,536 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Wishlist

Earlier this month I felt pregnant, just as I did 9 months ago. I knew I was, even after tests said no. I figured it was too early to tell- just as last time when I was pregnant with the twins I lost. I knew I was pregnant even a week before my period was due.
A week or two pass and suddenly I no longer "feel" pregnant. I start bleeding very heavily- I knew it was a miscarriage.

Fast forward a week and find me at home with agonizing abdominal pains. I had to go to the emergency room because I was in such utter pain. I thought it was "trapped wind", because all of the symptoms fit. I called for a ride to the emergency room as I could no longer take the pain, and as I'm waiting I noticed blood on the toilet paper when I went.

They do my bloods and tell me somehow I am still pregnant. I think to myself- No baby could have survived a bleed like I just had a week ago, and then now that I'm bleeding again!
My hcg was 1240 on the 23rd, 1307 just 16 hours later, and 1582 on the 25th. I had a baby inside of me, and it was growing! It was a fighter! I felt the first dim stirrings of hope.

Scans showed nothing in my uterus. Yet another empty womb. On the 26th I had to have emergency surgery. Spoke to the doctor. My right tube is gone, my left is scarred really badly and most definitely not functional. I still have a fever with unknown origins which is very very bad, esp after surgery. They said it could poison my blood. And my uterine wall is scarred and was probably the reason for my miscarriages. Ivf won't help me, and I don't have a working tube. My dream of having a baby is dead, and I have to sell all of my precious baby things.
Not to mention my health is highly at risk. My tube was starting to rupture and I actually was bleeding into my stomach.

Now, I have to return home and gather the courage to get rid of all the baby clothes and things I've been collecting over the years in hopes. My hopes are finally truly dead.



Photos of the surgery: www.facebook.com/Vv.Raven.vV/m…
Video playlist from when I was admitted until I got home last night. (I was hospitalized for 6 days): www.youtube.com/playlist?list=…

I've also written a blog with as much detail as I can remember about my losses. Please take the time to have a look and read through: www.squidoo.com/miscarriage-me…

deviantID

Starbl00d-Stock's Profile Picture
Starbl00d-Stock
Raven
New Zealand
starbl00d.deviantart.com/ and raven-revamped.deviantart.com/ are my two other pages


All images are MY property. I don't mind if people use my images, but PRIOR to making money off of them you need to contact me! DO NOT claim my work as your own, or try to pretend it is you. Please give credit where credit is due by linking here or naming me- Raven Sparks. Thank you.

AdCast - Ads from the Community

×

Journal History

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconsyvendelys:
I used your stock: fav.me/d7feau8
thank you so much ♥!
Reply
:icongestandene:
gestandene Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist

I used your stock here:  Scorpions by gestandene

and on a DarkArt Contest: www.psd-tutorials.de/

thank you so much  :love:

Reply
:iconcosmickat:
CosmicKat Feb 22, 2014  Professional Artist
Thank you! Your picture is great!
Reply
:icontravelingsquirrel:
Hi there...used one of your castle pics HERE hope you like it! :)
Reply
:iconstarbl00d-stock:
It looks amazing, thank you!
Reply
:icontravelingsquirrel:
nice to hear you liked it ;)
Reply
:iconinkyrose:
InkyRose Oct 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Reply
:iconzoozee:
zoozee Jun 6, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for the fave :heart:
:iconwalkingcatplz:
Reply
Add a Comment: